AWOL – Where is she now ??

The hoover’s given up the ghost
The fridge is on the blink
The kids are going crazy
I’ve been told I shouldn’t drink
To drown my stress and worry
But what’s my other choice
I’d better get control again
Bang doors and raise my voice!

To just sit down and ponder
And remember bygone years
Is really not the answer and
Will just bring me to tears
Life is full of challenges
All my friends have problems too
But the only time I’m in control
Is when I’m in the loo!

Troubles come in bundles
We all know that for sure
To dance and sing and have a laugh
Is meant to be a cure
I’ll try to be more positive
And see the good in life
It’s no good being grumpy
As a mother or a wife.

The day is almost over
And it’s time to plan the dinner
Making macaroni cheese
Is bound to be a winner
Oh no, I can’t believe it
It really can’t be true
There seems to be no power
What on earth am I to do?

I grab the phone and make the call
We’ll have Chinese tonight
Heaven help the lot of them
If they dare to get uptight
I’ll down my tools and take a break
Once they have gone to bed
Amazing how some me time
Helps so much to clear one’s head!

Judy Binns Nemeth

Just Another Day

When I woke up this morning, I could hear the rain was still coming down and it seemed to be dark outside so I shut my eyes and went back to sleep. Not for long though, as one of the people with whom I share my home decided it was time for me to get up, have breakfast and go out for an energetic run. Honestly, no peace at all for the wicked in this neck of the woods.

The constant rain of the past few days has really made me very anxious, and my behaviour has left a great deal to be desired. I find that I want to eat anything and everything I can get hold of, and this must be to do with being inside more than I would really choose to be. Still, I heard someone say that on Sunday the sun will start to shine again, so I will be able to carry on with my usual outdoor activities.

My housemates seem to have a total obsession with toilet habits. They worry about the number of times I have to relieve myself, and I hear them discussing this all the time. Can’t be normal, but I am starting to think that I am the only really normal soul in this house.  What is that saying about not being able to choose one’s family as they are foisted on you, but you can choose your friends? I don’t have any close friends at the moment, but I do interact with a bunch of like-minded individuals on a weekly basis, but this is coming to an end next week, sad to say. After that I have no idea of how my social life will continue.

I love sleeping – this could be a sign of depression perhaps? I think that it has more to do with the amount of food which I consume. I eat, do the necessary toilet things if needed, have a bit of a run, and then it’s time for another nap. I have a very high IQ and hope that I don’t sound too big headed by mentioning this. My mother was quite old when she had me, although my dad is a lot younger than her and is known as a real stud. Mum didn’t have too much patience with me right from the start and, as an only child, I suppose I have been rather spoilt by good friends of my mum. Anyway they do say that the brighter the child, often the more challenging they can be.

I looked in the mirror the other day and got quite a shock to see how my appearance is changing. My hair seems to be getting coarser and no longer as dark as when I was younger. My teeth bother me a lot and I just hope that this problem is temporary as I have the desire to chew things all day long – I don’t think this is acceptable judging by the reaction it gets from those around me. I also get so excited at times (an adrenalin rush perhaps) that I have been known to jump up and down like a deranged individual and it cannot even be blamed on a sugar overload.  I really must try to control myself or I might just end up in an institution.

I have excellent eyesight and my hearing is tops but it is my sense of smell that causes me the most concern. I can identify scents from months ago in my home and outside too and this seems to irritate people an awful lot. They just don’t appreciate how finely tuned my nose seems to be.  What would appear to be a great benefit to me is not perceived as such by anyone else. A pity when one’s talents go unnoticed or unrewarded, but that’s life isn’t it?

Although it has been pretty chilly these past few days, there have been several times when I have hovered on the edge of the swimming pool contemplating jumping in for a dip. The trouble is that, although I plan on improving my swimming skills next summer, right now I need to stay on the top step as my legs aren’t long enough to get out of the water without a helping hand – so embarrassing having to accept that kind of assistance as I am very independent by nature. I am capable of giving a great deal of affection, but I do have a tendency to often break the rules and give people a bit of a run for their money in their dealings with me. I do try to please people but it can be a lot of fun to see the frustration when I refuse to toe the line.

I can hear those wretched birds chirping outside my window, and if I weren’t so sleepy I would get out there and chase them all away. They have no respect for my garden and I just cannot understand why one of my housemates insists on feeding them all the time. I feel a bit jealous sometimes of the attention they get as I like to be top dog around here.

You probably realise now that, although my name is Kelly and I really am the most beautiful creature with an amazing intelligence, I am just a 4 month old German Shepherd puppy with a rather bad attitude much of the time!

Christmas Letter

Christmas letter to friends and family

Dear All

Well here we are once more at the end of yet another challenging year, and I find myself preparing the annual family letter. This job always seems to come my way, as I seem to be the only enthusiastic letter writer in the Robins family.

Looking back over the past twelve months, I think I’ll have to merely skim the surface of the events which have taken place in our family. If I go into too much detail, it will be next Christmas before I get this letter in the post.

January was a very sad month for us all as Jack’s aunt Agatha took a turn for the worse and had to stay in bed most of the time. She moved in with us as no-one else was prepared to look after her. Being confined indoors and not being allowed to wander around the neighbourhood as usual, the poor old dear became disorientated. It would appear that one morning she decided to go out into the garden, whilst I was out shopping. In her confused state she apparently opened the door leading down to the wine cellar instead of the front door. The coroner ruled that no foul play was suspected and once we had all recovered from the shock, and her estate had been wound up, we had a wonderful family holiday in Florida, USA.  Auntie had always regretted the fact that her late husband had never allowed her to go out to work during her entire lifetime, so we decided to pay our last respects to her, and had her ashes made into an egg-timer. She looks really smart in her bright red plastic casing, and she works very efficiently every breakfast time.

Our Labrador, Luke, mated with the sausage dog next door and we decided to take one of the litter as a playmate for Luke. What a cute puppy he turned out to be. We have called him Frankie (after his mother) and just hope that his little legs will continue to take the increasing weight of his rather large body. He looks just like his father, apart from those miniature legs. Still, he gets lots of love in this house, despite his unusual looks.

We had a bit of a shock around April this year. In fact, thinking back, the news was actually broken to us on the first of April, which was the reason that it took a while for us to take it seriously.  In the beginning we really believed it to be a practical joke. Arthur, who is 38 and still living at home with Jack and I, decided that it was time to let us in on his little secret. Well, you can imagine how we felt initially when he told us that he had decided to tour Europe as a drag artist. He always got home very late each night, long after Jack and I had gone to bed, and we just thought that this was normal for a guy working as a barman at a very upmarket pub in town. It turned out that he’s been the star attraction at the pub for the past few years, doing a Dolly Parton lookalike act. (Now I understand why I always seemed to be losing items of frilly underwear and other items of clothing never seemed to be where I had left them!) A talent scout had spotted him and signed him up for a two year contract touring all the major centres in Europe. When he told us how much he’d be earning, we could only wish him well, but it was difficult for us both watching our little boy packing those blonde wigs and lovely new undergarments and knowing he was finally spreading his wings.

Jack has spent most of this year growing vegetables and preserving them. He’s always been such a good help in the kitchen. It’s a wonderful thing when a woman is able to spend time out in the garage working on the car, knowing that her husband is keeping the home together. I can truly say that early retirement seems to be suiting both of us very well. There are days when I know that he misses his job at the newspaper office, but with all the housework and baking he does, he often wonders how he ever found the time for a full time job.

As for me – well the cosmetic surgery I underwent in September was worth all the pain and the expense.  I’d been saving secretly for 10 years to have the op. and I am absolutely thrilled with the result. My surgeon has assured me that I am the only one who is aware of the fact that my left eye is slightly lower than my right one. He says the scars add character to my face as well.  I know for a fact that the reason my friends don’t comment on my new look is because they are all sick with jealousy! The looks of shock on their faces when they saw me for the first time after I had recovered from the surgery reassured me that I had done the right thing. I feel so sorry for Dr. Chancey as some very ungrateful female has taken him to court, accusing him of malpractice just because she believes that her breast implants are two different shapes and size.  How can people be so cruel as to try to ruin his reputation!

Our daughter Magda wrote to us a while back giving us the good news. She’s expecting baby number 8 anytime now. She’s a wonderful wife and mother and just loves their life out on that farm. They are totally self- sufficient growing all their own fruit and vegetables and keeping pigs and rabbits as well as chickens, so there is no lack of fresh meat either. They even home school all those children which saves them a huge amount of school fees – no choice really as they are miles away from the nearest school.  You’d think that she would miss all the mod cons of city life but she doesn’t seem to. They don’t have a television as the reception is dreadful due to all the surrounding mountains and I often wonder how she and Ernie entertain themselves in the evenings.

Oh well, I hope this letter will give you an idea of how our lives are progressing. I’ll close now as it’s getting rather late and Dr. Chancey has told me that I must get as much beauty sleep as I can these days.

We wish you all a wonderful Christmas and a joyous New Year. If you are travelling and see posters advertising “Delightful Dolores – the Nightclub Queen”, do try to make the effort to say “hi” to our Arthur for us – we miss him so very much.

Trust this letter finds you all in good health, and until next year at the same time, very best wishes,

Hendrina and Jack (and Luke and Frankie)

xxx