The one who rules the roost. – April No. 2

“Don’t you realise that it’s afternoon playtime? Why do I have to do my utmost to look as pathetic and badly treated as possible, just to get you to do what I want you to do?”

“Please leave me alone to get on with writing this article, as I have a deadline. Just go outside and lie in the sun, or play with your toys, but I don’t have time right now to play with you.”

“Oh, come on, what does writing an article have to do with giving me the treatment I so richly deserve?”

“I told you that I have to earn a living and writing this article is one of the ways in which I make enough money to feed and house you.”

“Do I look as though I believe you?”

“Please be good and leave me alone just for another half an hour or so, and then I will have time for you.”

“You’ve got to be kidding. Patience is not my strong point at all. I would have thought that, after living together for the past 2 years, you would understand my needs completely.”

“I keep on telling you that you are not the only factor in my busy life. Now please leave me alone for a short while so that I can finish my work.”

“I am going nowhere without you. You can try as hard as you want. You can even resort to threats of putting me up for adoption, but I know you would never do anything like that. So, sorry for you, but I am going to make as much of an irritating noise as I possibly can so that you will have to come and play with me.”

“Please, just for the next few minutes, sit down and be quiet. If you behave, then I will come and play with you. Do you understand what I am asking of you?”

“I actually don’t negotiate on your terms and I will continue to irritate you until I get my way.”

“You can be such a spoilt brat and I am tired of always having to do just what you want, and never what I feel like doing.”

“You were told that I was special so that should have warned you. I am special and you need to treat me with the respect that I deserve. I am intelligent as well as good looking, so please understand that I am not average at all.”

“Look, you are really getting on my nerves. You have been given so many toys and heaps of attention recently and you just don’t seem to appreciate anything. It’s almost as though you think that you deserve to be treated like a valuable, rare commodity. I don’t know where you got that superior attitude from, but it’s driving me nuts. Now, please just another few minutes and I will finish what I’m doing, and play with you.”

“Oh, I suppose I had better do as you ask otherwise my life could become difficult. You might just decide to go out without me again and I will be locked up for hours until you decide to come home. I will lie down here next to you and just have a quick nap and hope that you really will decide to play with me as soon as you finish what you are doing.”

Am I the only nutcase out there in the big wide world whose life has been taken over by a mutt who doesn’t need to be able to talk in order to express exactly what she wants. Isn’t it amazing that, with no verbal interaction at all, our four-legged companions are able to let us know just what they want as well as how they are feeling. Life would be very dull without our dear Kelly, but an extra few hours in every day wouldn’t go amiss either, just to be able to fit in all the important things and not just doggy playtime!

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