Christmas letter to friends and family
Well here we are once more at the end of yet another challenging year, and I find myself preparing the annual family letter. This job always seems to come my way, as I seem to be the only enthusiastic letter writer in the Robins family.
Looking back over the past twelve months, I think I’ll have to merely skim the surface of the events which have taken place in our family. If I go into too much detail, it will be next Christmas before I get this letter in the post.
January was a very sad month for us all as Jack’s aunt Agatha took a turn for the worse and had to stay in bed most of the time. She moved in with us as no-one else was prepared to look after her. Being confined indoors and not being allowed to wander around the neighbourhood as usual, the poor old dear became disorientated. It would appear that one morning she decided to go out into the garden, whilst I was out shopping. In her confused state she apparently opened the door leading down to the wine cellar instead of the front door. The coroner ruled that no foul play was suspected and once we had all recovered from the shock, and her estate had been wound up, we had a wonderful family holiday in Florida, USA. Auntie had always regretted the fact that her late husband had never allowed her to go out to work during her entire lifetime, so we decided to pay our last respects to her, and had her ashes made into an egg-timer. She looks really smart in her bright red plastic casing, and she works very efficiently every breakfast time.
Our Labrador, Luke, mated with the sausage dog next door and we decided to take one of the litter as a playmate for Luke. What a cute puppy he turned out to be. We have called him Frankie (after his mother) and just hope that his little legs will continue to take the increasing weight of his rather large body. He looks just like his father, apart from those miniature legs. Still, he gets lots of love in this house, despite his unusual looks.
We had a bit of a shock around April this year. In fact, thinking back, the news was actually broken to us on the first of April, which was the reason that it took a while for us to take it seriously. In the beginning we really believed it to be a practical joke. Arthur, who is 38 and still living at home with Jack and I, decided that it was time to let us in on his little secret. Well, you can imagine how we felt initially when he told us that he had decided to tour Europe as a drag artist. He always got home very late each night, long after Jack and I had gone to bed, and we just thought that this was normal for a guy working as a barman at a very upmarket pub in town. It turned out that he’s been the star attraction at the pub for the past few years, doing a Dolly Parton lookalike act. (Now I understand why I always seemed to be losing items of frilly underwear and other items of clothing never seemed to be where I had left them!) A talent scout had spotted him and signed him up for a two year contract touring all the major centres in Europe. When he told us how much he’d be earning, we could only wish him well, but it was difficult for us both watching our little boy packing those blonde wigs and lovely new undergarments and knowing he was finally spreading his wings.
Jack has spent most of this year growing vegetables and preserving them. He’s always been such a good help in the kitchen. It’s a wonderful thing when a woman is able to spend time out in the garage working on the car, knowing that her husband is keeping the home together. I can truly say that early retirement seems to be suiting both of us very well. There are days when I know that he misses his job at the newspaper office, but with all the housework and baking he does, he often wonders how he ever found the time for a full time job.
As for me – well the cosmetic surgery I underwent in September was worth all the pain and the expense. I’d been saving secretly for 10 years to have the op. and I am absolutely thrilled with the result. My surgeon has assured me that I am the only one who is aware of the fact that my left eye is slightly lower than my right one. He says the scars add character to my face as well. I know for a fact that the reason my friends don’t comment on my new look is because they are all sick with jealousy! The looks of shock on their faces when they saw me for the first time after I had recovered from the surgery reassured me that I had done the right thing. I feel so sorry for Dr. Chancey as some very ungrateful female has taken him to court, accusing him of malpractice just because she believes that her breast implants are two different shapes and size. How can people be so cruel as to try to ruin his reputation!
Our daughter Magda wrote to us a while back giving us the good news. She’s expecting baby number 8 anytime now. She’s a wonderful wife and mother and just loves their life out on that farm. They are totally self- sufficient growing all their own fruit and vegetables and keeping pigs and rabbits as well as chickens, so there is no lack of fresh meat either. They even home school all those children which saves them a huge amount of school fees – no choice really as they are miles away from the nearest school. You’d think that she would miss all the mod cons of city life but she doesn’t seem to. They don’t have a television as the reception is dreadful due to all the surrounding mountains and I often wonder how she and Ernie entertain themselves in the evenings.
Oh well, I hope this letter will give you an idea of how our lives are progressing. I’ll close now as it’s getting rather late and Dr. Chancey has told me that I must get as much beauty sleep as I can these days.
We wish you all a wonderful Christmas and a joyous New Year. If you are travelling and see posters advertising “Delightful Dolores – the Nightclub Queen”, do try to make the effort to say “hi” to our Arthur for us – we miss him so very much.
Trust this letter finds you all in good health, and until next year at the same time, very best wishes,
Hendrina and Jack (and Luke and Frankie)
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